December 24th, 2000
by NekonoKatzen
Summary: Kamui finds himself wandering aimlessly on Christmas Eve and runs into Subaru. ::SxK! With just a bit of FxK::


My Holiday present to all the SxK fans out there! Granted, it's not a very good once since it's all angsty and has some FxK at the beginning, but still...

**Disclaimer: CLAMP and their respective publishers own X.

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**December 24th, 2000**

Kamui walked alone through the streets, vaguely amazed that there were stores still open at this hour on Christmas Eve, and that there were still people buzzing in and out of them, getting last minute shopping done. Kamui wasn't one of them, however; he was merely on onlooker. Just a lost teenager out for a stroll, preferring the bitter cold outside to the loneliness he felt inside the Imonoyama mansion. It wasn't unusual for him to be wandering for hours through Tokyo like this. Not anymore.

He honestly couldn't stand to stay in the Imonoyama mansion for long periods of time now that it was so quiet. All it did was remind him that he was now utterly alone; that he had lost almost everyone important to him. Some had lived and just moved away, but most had died. Yuzuriha had gone back to her home, as had Arashi; both of them still reeling from losing the ones they loved most, Kusanagi and Sorata. Aoki-san had survived as well, and often tried to incorporate the lost Kamui into his family, but to no avail. Kamui knew that the Promised Day would be brought up during his visits, as would Karen-san. He didn't want to cause the kind man any more pain, seeing as he was still mourning her death as well.

Kamui wandered into a nearby park, and sat down at the base of a naked tree. For a moment, his attention was caught by the playful yelps of two children: two boys, about age eight and ten, one smaller than the other. He watched the smaller one trip, only to be caught by the older one, who looked upon him with concern. Kamui clutched his shirt as he watched them turn to leave, holding hands, as their mothers called them away. "Fuuma."

Fuuma had died on Promised Day, after a long, painful battle, and Kamui had been the one to kill him. He had shoved the shinken through his twin star's heart, quite by accident, and had bawled pathetically as he held his dying friend in his arms. He remembered, quite clearly, how Fuuma had nuzzled into his chest and smiled, saying he was happy to be here like this with his Special Person. Kamui knew that a part of his own soul had died at that moment. Shortly after Fuuma passed, almost all of the other Dragons of Earth did as well, Arashi being one of the survivors. The other being… Kamui shook his head and sighed, steam curling from his mouth and nose.

In the time after the Promised Day, Kamui had forgotten the importance of several things; retaining body heat being one of them. So there he sat in the snow, almost lifeless, back against the trunk of a barren tree, wearing nothing but some jeans and a black, cotton long sleeved shirt. In the near distance he knew there was a blooming sakura tree, but he had convinced himself that he hadn't come to this place to see that or the man that was associated with it. No, as far as he was concerned, this had been nothing but a convenient stopping place on his walk.

The wind picked up unexpectedly as it began to snow again, and he leaned forward, shivering. He closed his eyes, snapping them open again, wide, as something heavy and warm was draped over him: a long, black, winter coat. His head whipped around quickly, his dulled purple gaze meeting another pair of eyes, one a sharp brown, the other dull green. "Subaru…" Kamui swore he saw a flicker of emotion in the older man's eyes, but quickly passed it off as wishful thinking on his part. After all, Subaru was the Sakurazukamori now; he doesn't_ have_ emotions anymore.

Subaru sat down next to his former leader, "You'll get sick if you stay out here." He looked at Kamui from the corner of his eyes, "Why aren't you wearing a coat?"

The teenager focused back on the ground directly in front of him, "Like you care." Kamui chortled bitterly. He unconsciously pulled Subaru's coat tighter around him, soaking up whatever warmth it could offer.

"I do." His voice sounded somewhat annoyed, even though he hadn't meant it to. "I do care, Kamui." He reached over to brush off some of the snow accumulating on Kamui's hair. It took a few minutes for the boy to realize that Subaru was touching him, but when he did, he quickly slapped Subaru's hand away, leaving the man feeling rather stung, both physically and emotionally. "What is wrong with you?"

Kamui started to shake, tears beginning to well-up in his eyes, "I'm a curse, Subaru. Anyone who touches me… they all suffer." He choked back a sob, his tears now starting to fall, "Even if I'm not directly the cause, bad things still happen to them. You've been hurt enough, so don't… don't touch me."

Subaru sighed and got up, moving to kneel in front of Kamui. He placed his hands on either side of Kamui's face and lifted until the quietly crying boy was looking him straight in the eyes, "Kamui. You are not a curse, nor are you responsible for any of my pain."

"But…" Kamui was cut off by Subaru gently placing a finger over his mouth.

"The pain I and the others have felt... it is ours alone. It was born of our own wishes and the wishes of those we love." One of the hands began to stroke the boy's hair, "You had absolutely nothing to do with it."

"No!" Kamui pulled away and covered his face with his hands, bawling into them, "Why?" Another choked cry, "Why can't I just die? Why can't this be _over_?"

Subaru growled, irritated, and roughly pulled Kamui's hands away, "Stop it, Kamui! You're stronger than this!"

Kamui wailed back, "No, I'm not!" He took a deep, sobbing breath, "Why do you think that? I'm weak! I'm so weak! I wasn't fit to be the Kamui, and now all I want is to die! I_ deserve_ to die!" Kamui took another breath and was about to continue screaming when Subaru suddenly lunged forward and kissed him. It was quick, desperate, and almost-harsh, but it was enough to send Kamui's thoughts and emotions into a whirlwind.

Subaru pulled away, just slightly, staying close enough that Kamui could still feel his breath. "Kamui. You do not deserve death. Not at all. And even if you did, I would not allow you to have it." He pulled back farther and wiped away the other's tears. "I have a wish, you see. One that I want to make sure comes true."

"A wish?" Kamui asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes." Subaru smiled, the first one Kamui had seen on the older man's face in over a year. "I wish for you to live, Kamui." He paused, cupping Kamui's face with one hand, running his thumb over the boy's cheek. "And I also wish for you to be happy. I don't care how that is achieved; I just want you to have it." Kamui was suddenly pulled into an unexpected embrace, "Because you… you deserve all the happiness in the world."

Kamui didn't try to break the hug, and instead just fidgeted so that he could look up into Subaru's eyes. "But what about you?"

There was sadness in the Sakurazukamori's eyes now, "It's too late for me." He looked down and closed his eyes, "You see, I'm barely even human anymore."

"I don't believe that."

Subaru's eyes instantly popped open in surprise, "And why not?"

Kamui smirked, shades of his true self showing through, "Only a truly kind_ human_ would be sitting in the snow on Christmas Eve, freezing their ass off, just to comfort some bratty, depressed kid."

Subaru couldn't help but laugh a bit, "Perhaps it is just that the bratty, depressed kid is the only thing left that brings out my humanity? The only thing I care about anymore?" Subaru smiled slightly at the shock that registered on Kamui's features as his words steadily sunk in. After that wore off, it looked like the boy was thinking of something to say in reply, but just as he opened his mouth, his watch began to beep. Subaru tilted his head, "What is…?"

"Oh!" Kamui pushed a button, turning off the alarm. "I set it for midnight, so that I'd know the moment it was Christmas."

"Why?"

He shrugged, "Because I wanted to be around for just a little of Christmas before I…" He pulled a box cutter out of one of his pant's pockets and held it up in front of Subaru.

"_Kamui!_" Subaru grabbed the object and threw is as far away as he could, mostly out of anger. "You were really going to…!"

"Relax!" Kamui put a hand up, signaling that it was okay. "I promise I'm not planning such a thing anymore." He stood up, taking off Subaru's coat. "I promise I'm going to live. For you." He now wrapped the coat around the still kneeling Subaru, much in the same manner the older man had done for him.

"Live… for me?" Subaru looked as if the concept was totally foreign to him, and in a way, it was. Those around him had always chosen to die instead, leaving him alone.

"Yes. My gift to you." Kamui leaned down and kissed the top of Subaru's head. "Merry Christmas, Subaru." Kamui smiled at him before turning and walking off, heading back toward CLAMP campus, to his home.

Subaru simply watched him go, a small smile on his face. He reached up to touch his own cheek with a shaky hand, and stared wide-eyed and stunned at the liquid droplets on his fingers. He gasped and covered his mouth, realizing this was the first time he had cried since Seishirou-san had left him; only this time, it wasn't tears of sorrow. Putting his coat on properly, he laughed pathetically and looked toward the direction Kamui had disappeared to. "Kamui." His voice was soft and raspy, "Merry Christmas."


End file.
